Easy Going...

I believe I'm pretty much a 'let go' person. I let go of anything that hurts me, anyone who saddens me, any excess that troubles me. I live my life without carrying an extra baggage, and walk on with just what I essentially need.

I think this trait can be clearly seen in how my wardrobe never grows bigger, and my closet has remained the same size since years ago. I educate myself to let go of the old clothes I have, pass it on to someone who might need it more, and replace them with new ones. I only keep very few clothes which I really really really love. Otherwise, they are handed down, or go into garage-sales.

Same goes to furniture, shoes, artworks, cards. And people. As much as I love meeting new people and making friends with them, I filter out those who I know do not benefit my life in any way. This does not mean I am picky. I am selective. Being picky sounds more negative, somehow implying that we choose only to make friends with people that share the same social status, education level, religion, or race. And I don't. I do, however, select people who I know do not carry a bad influence, and bring positive energy for me in any possible way.

In life, there will always be things, or people, that make us cry, that betray us, that steal from us, that make us wanna kill ourselves at a certain point of time. But let go. Let go of the anger, the grudge, and any intention for revenge. Let go and see the bigger picture. An unhappy moment in life, is just another moment among other moments to come. Let go and move on.

And let go of the people who hurt you. They are toxic. It's nice to be nice, but it's wiser to be wise. I believe God taught us to be nice to people, but God never told us to please everyone we know. We have the right to do the right thing. And as the owner of our own life, we know what's right for us.

And clothes. They're just clothes. Pass them down. Buy new ones. They just wrap the outside. They do not feed our soul.

- SENANG HATI -

I Say Hello to 2011!!

Goodbye 2010, welcome 2011!


Really, what is new year resolutions to you? It could be finding new love, get a great job, climbing the career ladder, get married or travel to the places you always wanted to go.

Same like me. I always make a list of how & what I want to be & achieve every year, and the list goes on until the end of year. Sometimes u get them, sometimes u just have to forward them to another new year :) Just believe that if there's a will, there's a way. With hardwork & tawakkal, insyaallah...

I'd like to welcome the new year with a new spirit yet the same person inside...let us all make progress, help more people, gain more achievements, maintain a good health, embrace changes, while keeping our values & beliefs strong.

Let us be comfortable with who we are, what we have, and be what we are capable of. Let us reject any negative influences, and remain positive and humble every time.

Let us never feel inferior nor superior, just content, tolerant and grateful.

Let us always be true to ourselves.

Happy welcoming 2011, everyone. Keep 100% original..:)


P/S : So how did u guys spend the 1st day of new year? I have such a great start, spent most of the time relaxing at my hometown together with my beloved mom! No other better place in the world than our home right? :)

- HARDWORK HOMEWORK -

Life has been hectic lately. Everyday working late with lots and loads work coming up. Especially with End Year holiday nearly approaches, everybody wants everything faster, before their long holiday (well if U're dealing with international company, you will feel the tension more). Practically, my mind & body work 16 hours continuously everyday. Hence the lack of updates (like I always update pun...*sigh).

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job. My job is great & the working environment is superbly perfect. I'm not complaining. Maybe I'm still adjusting, eh?

Ok, back to work. It's Sunday and I have to work overtime. 1 bullet design done, 5 more to go. Chaiyok Leen, U can do it!!

My Last 20's Birthday...

This year will be my last birthday with the number "2" infront of it ,as a twenty sumthing lady. (I mean my age lah if U dont get what I mean). Next year I will be early 30's... OMG Im afraid to think about it. Well lets not spoil my mood with the scary thought on my birthday ok? :D

As today is my birthday, I would like to give some speech. Ehem...ehem.. Drums roll please....


Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you for having been with me, virtually and in real life. Your advises, your never-ending support, Your companions, Your helps, Your everything.... are what have driven me to become the person I am today. It's funny how life gets around, but I am glad you were all there with me. I hope I have been a good person for you all, and I also hope I have contributed a part in your life. Together we are strong...:)


To The ONE, My Creator, Allah The Al-Mighty

All I can say is that I am very, very thankful to Allah for blessing me with so much happiness, and by happiness, that includes sadness as well. Being sad is an element of happiness. Thank you for allowing me to have a wonderful relationship and support from family and friends. Thank you for keeping me strong during my down time, blessing and show me guidance every time I feel lost. Thank you for all the friends you bring into my life, I am glad that my number of friends always keep increasing. Thank you for giving me the strength and patience in responding to all the challenges I had to face. Thank you for all the opportunities given, because of You I finally had the courage to do what I have been wanting to do. Im totally happy with my path of life now. Thank you for keeping everyone I love healthy, including myself as well. I love you for there is no god except Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.


So I guess that's it. No matter the number, I am forever young. Happy birthday, me! :)
This is my treat on my birthday. Oh..please..please dont pity me as I enjoying myself having my dinner. Such a great combo.. Maggie mee and Mamak's Ice Tea. Pleasure!!



Xoxo,
LoveLEEN

Maal Hijrah 1431H

Salam Maal Hijrah to all bloggers…

Wosshhh…….. diam x diam one year had passed and its time to ponder back what I’ve done for the past year, either all the goals had successfully achieved or not and to set back new aims and goals for this year. As for me, my goals are normally the same, simple and yet very hard to achieve it entirely. It’s not that it was impossible, but maybe I have to work very hard and really focus to make its all came true. Below are my normal goals that I never miss to set each year :

1) To become better Muslims, to make sure that whatever that I’ve done are in line with Islam’s practice
2) LOOSE WEIGHT 10kg!!! More is better for sure.. :D
3) Control my financial, started to spend for future
4) More pro-active in work. Get more order for company!!
5) I hope that I will met my “soul mate” and move on one step in my relationship

As U can see, I’ve list out that this year I hope to meet my Suitor or to make it more direct I wish that I will find a man that suits me, the best for me and fated to become my husband. I will be a great liar if I told you that marriage never came cross my mind and I never feel worry about it. I’m nearly 30 and living in Malaysia and Muslim, even how sophisticated you’re, being single is still a taboo. Been called “andartu” is like a curse and people will never let you peace until you get married. Everywhere you go, people will ask when you will get marry and they will start to make their own perception on you. Either you are to choosy, busy and too focused on work so you got no life and time to find a man or more worse you been labeled as “tak laku”… All this scenarios normally will bring pressure to these single women. They will become desperate to get marry not because their heart says so, but it because to shut up people mouth.

Alhamdullillah, despite all these perceptions, I still got a strength to just let it be.. don’t bother. Its not their mistake after all. Maybe they’re just concern. I always let a positive thought mingles around my mind to make myself become positive, I hate to think negative on people… It had help me much especially in my current circumstances. I got a lot of things & problems to handle and to think, so I don’t have enough time to add more thoughts in my mind about others people.

Like what I always wrote in my previous blog, we can only plan and the final result will be decide by the man above. I’m a strong believer of God. I put 100% on my fate to Him as I know he knew what the best for me. And it is part of “Rukun Iman” that we should trust on “Qada’ & Qadar” where what ever had been destined to us will be happened. That’s why I put marriage last on my list. As the first goal until the fifth one is something that I can plan and arrange. There is less “luck” involved. If I really working hard on it, I will get a good result. If not, then I will fail. However in term of marriage and “jodoh”, sometime even how hard we search for it, if there’s no luck yet, so that's it. That is why I did’nt want to stress on that so much because Im afraid if my time is’nt come yet, I will be down and de-motivated. Just continue my life as ussual and “jodoh’ will come if He says it’s time. Im ready to be in love again, and I hope this time will be real one and last until marriage. Ya-Allah, I wish that all my prayers will be granted and hope this 2010 will bring more happiness to me and my family. I pray for your endless bless and guidance. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Colourfull of Life

Dearest beloved frens..
Hope this can put a smile on your faces. Like I said, life is sometimes unfair, but that is not a reason to quit living and surrender. Dont loose your faith to God coz He knows what's the best for us. Tiada yg se-sempunaNya, fill your life with love as we had enough wars already.

Mimpi adalah kunci
Untuk kita menaklukkan dunia
Berlarilah tanpa lelah sampai engkau meraihnya

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa
Raih bintang di jiwa

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia
Selamanya…

Cinta kepada hidup
Memberikan senyuman abadi
Walau ini kadang tak adil
Tapi cinta lengkapi kita

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Jangan berhenti mewarnai
Jutaan mimpi di bumi

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia takseindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia
Selamanya…

Recap & Rewind

Days are numbered. I am bored.
How I wish I can rewind back the days.
As they always said that good things always come to an end.
One moment you are enjoying it, the next its gone.

I miss school days.
Missing my late father
Life forward.
Backwards are just memories to be remembered.
Snap back to reality.

D.A.D.D.Y

Rindu di hati masih berbaki
Pada Ayahku yg telah pergi
Namun apa yang aku pasti
Yg pergi itu takkan kembali

Hanya padamu kupohon Tuhan
Moga kau berikan aku kekuatan
Buat Ayahku ku mohon keberkatan
Agar segala dosanya diampunkan

Semadilah Ayahku dengan aman
Ku titip doa buatmu dikejauhan
Satu pintaku moga dimakbulkan
Agar bertemu di Hari Kebangkitan...


Ur daughter,
Loveleen

Thoughts....

Been surrounded by a great people really light up my days. They had put laughter, joy and happiness in my life even how hard life nowadays seem to be. I feel stronger than before. Praise be to the Al-Mighty for His blessing and to all my DEAR friends, my million thanks for all the moments.

ANOTHER 1 YEAR ADDED

Happy Birthday to me.....
Happy Birthday to me.....

Alhamdullilah with His consent, Im still here, breathing, healthy and been given an oppurtunity to continue living in His magnificent creation of life. No words can expressed my gratitute to Him. It just Subhanaallah, walhamdullilaah wallaillahaillahallahu Akbar.

My wish that I can still blessed with a good health, happiness, success, rezeki and a continuous guidance from Him to go through this life. As a human, I might be careless, weak and distracted but Im always pray for the strength and light so that I will not be lost and in the blessed and right path of life. Hanya padamu Ya Allah aku berserah, dan hanya padamu Ya Allah aku beriman.

AMIN, AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN.........

A New Day Has Come

It has been a month I worked at this new company, KNM. So far I’m very happy here. Beginning of the week I was quite suffered to adapt with the environment. Everybody was so busy that they didn't even had time to acknowledge or even noticed my existence. I even gave a bad reputation on my early days where I had to take MC after 3days I started here. One day seems to be a very long day for me, let alone to wait for a weekend. There were couples of time where I was very sleepy and bored that I “curi2 tido” in the toilet. Internet access was very limited and it was not nice to openly navigate on the internet when you were still new. I just spent my whole day reading the company’s background, scope and training module. One thing that I was consider lucky when started at this new company was I didn't have a problem to find a new friend since I already had my old classmate there. I went for lunch with my friend’s colleague so consequently, I was also part of the group there after. I met Kak Intan, Zeti who were also in same department with me, Kak Ija from QA and Kak Maz from sales. I had no problem to mix up with them as we all suma satu kepala and that was also an advantage for me.

After a week, I received my first task from my senior. Alhamdullilah, since before started to work here, I had been given a brief explanation about KNM and job scope by my friend, Fizah. Biasalah baru kerja, mesti semangat2 sikitkan… and with an assistance from Fizah and my senior, I managed to finish my work and submit on time. A lil’ bit about my work, as a design engineer I had to design and prepare a quotation to the client so the date line of submission is very crucial. I only had one week of honeymoon and after that it was history coz I never had time to look back, tender become more and most and time flows faster and fastest. Nothing to complaint, I just hope that I can stay here longer, have a good health so that I can learn more and contribute more to this company, insyaALLAH….

Neither this nor that....

One day to go.... I got a mix emotions; sad to leave, but excited in the same time. Worried but not hesitate. I just got an offer letter and now very lazy to do anything. My mind totally blur an empty, but still not ready to start at new place yet. I just wanted to rest and recharge back my battery for all purposes. Gosh.. I hate this situation. I have to be strong. SAILORMOON please come.. MAKE UP!!

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

I've been working at JARING COMM, an IT company for almost 5years. Even I was graduated in an engineering line, it was JARING who opened the opportunity for me to gain an experience as a Customer Service Executive in 2004, right after my graduation. Yup.. this is my first serious job (let be the part time jobs) and after that without turning my head back, I started to climb the stairs up to another headed to what I had achieved and become now. Maybe it's not very impressive compared to other person, but so far I can define myself in a stable, steady and in comfort situations. Within these years, I'm so focused in establishing myself in this company; to prove my capabilities and contribute as much as I can in returned of chance that this company had given to me. Once I'd been promoted last year, I made it cleared that this is my destiny to work in a field that is different with my background but that doesn't mean that I cannot perform. And I already proved it. So I stick with this comfort zone of mine, until one call and action had change all my perceptions forever...................

It was my bestie, Fizah who actually FORCED me to apply for a vacancy at her company (KNM Berhad) as an engineer. Of course she had asked me to try numerous times before but I just not interested (I'd been queried in this issue of "blaja lain, keje bidang lain" so many times until I already bored and get used with it). I respected their concern but it just like I'd told ya earlier.. it's not as easy as changing cloth you see... as a matter of fact, I did got an offer as an engineer before, but the company was not financially stable. Of course there are a few aspects, pro n cons that I need to consider before I accept the offer. That's what made me stay at JARING until now.

Back to the above story, since Fizah was so enthusiastic and I feel bad to let her down, so I emailed her my resume and she submitted it to her boss. I never put a high hope for this application since I know I did’nt have any working experience in engineering plus my basic knowledge also already “rusted.” I made this just to satisfy her so that she does’nt push me anymore. I still remember, it was on 5th of March that they called me for an interview because the night before it I still can hanged out with frens watching Jason Mraz concert and reached home at 1am. But I think you all must agree that sometimes there are things that we did’nt expected or hope the most, but we get it, and there are things that we’re dying to get it, but failed. In my case I received a phone call from KNM saying that I’m succeed in the interview session and they had approved to accept me as an engineer at their company. Alhamdullilah….

So this is it, I already tendered my resignation on 9th April… and my last day of employment will be on 28th April 09. I will start to work at KNM Berhad on 9th May 2009. This is my first time in job’s transition, so I’m so nervous and hesitate in giving my resignation letter to my boss. I still love JARING, but I know my time has come and this is a chance that I need to grab even I did’nt know either I had made a right decision or not. All I know is, there’s a risk that I need to face and I have to leave my comfort zone to know how far I can go and develop myself. Pray for my success ya and I hope Allah will always guide me in my judgment. Insyaallah…

Ade Ape Dengan Takdir...

I was on the way to office and by the time I turned to Sinar FM station, the DJ just picked up one caller. It was a female and she expressed her dissatisfaction to the previous caller. Ayatnya lebih kurang begini :

"I x puas hati ngan caller laki2 sblm nie. Ade ke patut x puas hati ngan Kak Engku semata2 pasal Kak Engku "emo" bila dengar pasal laki2 yg buat hal. Suma perempuan mcm tu, mana suka dgr laki cr lain ke, pasang dua tiga ke. Ni laki2 lagila, saya perasan skit2 suka menyalahkan takdir. Asal nak kahwin lagi.. cakap takdir. Macam artis laki tu, dah la kena tangkap basah, sendiri yang salah buat dosa, tp bila press tanya ckp ini dah takdir tuhan saya terima seadanya.. menyampah betul!!"

Ha mmg marah betul akak tue... But before we started to point who is right or wrong, it is better for us to understand what is fate/takdir first. As a muslim, it is stated in the Rukun Iman or "The Pillars Of Faith in Islam" that we have to beleive in Divine Preordainment/Qada' and Qadar.

Based on Wikepidia, Qadar is the Arabic word for Destiny and Qada' is the Arabic word for Decree. They may or may not be used interchangebly depending on the context. Essentially, Destiny is what Allah has decreed. Allah has knowledge of everything in his creation. Nothing occurs except by his will. Human beings are given free will, and it must be made clear that destiny does not have a cause-and-effect influence of the choices humans make. The choices that humans make are all within Allah's knowledge. Muslims believe that the divine destiny is when God wrote down in the Preserved Tablet ("Al-Lawhu Al-Mahfuud") all that has happened and will happen.

I know the definition is quite complicated and people likes to similarize a word destiny/Qadar and fate/takdir. I even didnt know how to explain the differences but I know both have its own concept. All I know that the reason why we have to accept our own destiny is to make us to keep moving and don't surrender. Ajal, maut, jodoh dan pertemuan are something that written in our fate and cant be changed. As long as we can accept it as a God's will, we can face all tests send by Allah without complaining, highly gratitude and "tawaduk" (humble).

However, dont get too straight forward by thinking that whatever happens to us are God's plan. Then we started to blame god when things happened are not as we desired. Allah is not cruel to let us to be poor forever, to become a drug addict or to have a killing diseases. Remember it's a choices we made that effected our destiny. Lets take for example, even if it's written that you will fail exam today, doesn't mean that if you keep trying and always pray to Allah for your success, He will neglect you. Allah knows what is the best for us but He also let us free in making our own judgement.

Back to above issue, I think that men used to manipulate the word takdir or "fate" to cover up their guilty and fault (mentang2 jodoh, ajal, maut suma di tangan tuhan...) but is that mean to hurt other's feeling in case of cheating or betraying their partner is also a god's will? Sendiri mau ingatla... (Ops am I started to become feminist.. no..no don't get me wrong, I just want to be honest with my opinions that's all). For me it is unwise to give Qada' n Qadar as an excuse for something happen to cover our own fault, just be a gentleman and admit our weakness as a human. Kalau diri dah gatal nak kahwin lain just admit it, if urself too lazy to study and then failed just admit it, no need to say " nak wat cammana dah nasib".....

Remember, Sesungguhnya yang baik itu datang daripada Allah, manakala yg buruk itu datang dari diri kita sendiri.

LOVELeen

HURT, HEART AND HISTORY.

June 2007,

Dear Heart…
Tell me what is this feeling,
You’re happy and you look happy,
But deep down its U who only knew that’s something not right

Heart,
You’re dying to tell your friends,
But U just don’t know what to tell,
What the caused,
What is wrong with you,
U just feel there’s something happened,
And U can just feel…

Things are fine but you feel like something is not,
You feel like losing him even though he's physically by your side,

You're there laughing along with him, self assured everything is okay,

But you could feel that he's fading in your eyes,
You keep searching the old him for something you know won't come back.

Every times when U asked him the question,
He said he loves you still and U’re relief,
Yup maybe its just Ur feeling,
Probably influence by the moon or your monthly menses,
But why is it heart…
U still feel likes he doesn't treat you right,

And yet you stay firm, grasping tightly to him.

People keep telling you to let go,

You just won't do it. One word, LOVE

Hurt,
- LoveLEEN -

It was 2 years ago when my relationship with my ex turned out to be shaky. I was so stupid to trust him 100% even I started to have that feeling. God gave me lots of “hint” but I still cannot accept the fact. When I look back, it was hard to believe that I was so determined to make this 'thing' worked. But being one-sided wasn't enough. Definitely going extra mile was a norm. I admit he a nice guy to begin with, very patient and everything sweet, but how come things turned sour? I can't find any answer to this question and all I know, he’s changed. I kept to persuade myself that he’s just busy and nothing actually happened, but when its come to God’s will, nothing on earth could stop that. He betrayed me and dats the ANSWER of all my feeling and the end of my efforts. I surrender and let go of him......why are my sockets beginning to feel warm again...hush, hush, don't cry.

In the early stage of our break up, I'm not sure whether I should discard our stuffs...to really start anew...or...just WHAT should I do with them? There's just too many photos, things and all...that reminds me of him...of us both. He's out there, having extraordinary happy moments with his suitor and whatnot. I can't deny that i made my own mistakes too... like I said, no one's perfect and everybody have their own choice. I thought it was easy to let go but I was wrong. Maybe I'm just so used to him. Didn't he feel empty without me? I can't say that I'm yearning for him to come back. It's not right, the feeling cannot be right.

Above all, I'm glad to know that there's someone out there, whom always love me unconditionally...whatever makes me happy, its all get better in time. I got my strength to return all the things he gave me and with God’s assistance, I feel ok when I knew that he’s getting married. Alhamdullilah I managed to go through all the tests He gave me. All I need from Him are continuous guidance and bless; and a strength to fix my believe towards Him. I wish to be blessed with more wonderful things in life and I know He’s always listening. INSYAALLAH…

Unforgettable...

Its had been one year after my break up with my BF and for all these while, Im never be so open to comment about it. Alhamdullilah with all the supports and strength from my very besties, I managed to move on but only God knows how hard it is to start everything and develop your heart and soul once again (remind you all that I'd been in relationship for 10 years).

Today when I formatting my old thumb drive, I saw one folder created to save all photos of me with him. It tooks me few minutes to think either to keep the folder or delete it. Finally Im determined for my own good that I have to vanish all memories that relate me to him. For the last time, I go through all the photos again then the memory came and the rest was history. I could feel my tears dropping.

People used to see me strong and happy, like this doesnt give a big impact to me. But my dearie friends, dun forget that I'm human... deep down in my heart how I wish its only a dream and I can wake up in da morning like all these were never happen to me. Friends saw him and he looked alright, fine, tip-top, whatever you call it. They assumed I should move on too... it makes me feel like i'm a qualified idiot, damnit. That's why sometimes I pretended to be happy because I didnt want to make everyone worry and I dont like to look like a looser.

No doubt I have a life of my own, but I can't stop myself from thinking about him even how hard I made my self busy. How's his business? Did his mummy/dad ask about me? If anyone were to ask him about me / about us, what will his answers be? Most to most at the end of his day, does he even thinks about me? I know this shouldn't be it. I know something could be done. I know a lil bit of patience goes a long way. But how do I stop myself from speculating? It's tiring. I gave up already. It's been so long since I last had a peaceful, crystal clear mind.

But thats all was last year. I dont know how much I can thank Allah for the all the guidance He gave me. With all the challenges I faced last year, I became more stronger and it tighten a realtionship within me with my friends and family. I just lost one relationship but grew with lots of another bonding. Being alone didn't scare me. It just worries me. I'm not getting any younger, if you know what I mean... But after all we can only plan, can't we? And the rest is up to the Man above.