Part time job

This is my update for my yesterday's entry for the quest of Taman Wahyu. Alhamdullilah I was successfully reached there and collected the stuff that my sister had sent to me.

This year Im starting to have a part time job as a tutor at tuition centre in Semenyih area. I teach Add Math, Math PMR and Math for SPM every Tuesday and Thursday. Its quite challenging since I need to revise back all the topics from basic plus I didn't have any background in teaching. Students nowadays are very advance and in addition to teach these subjects in English require me to have lots of skills (teaching, psychology..etc), advance preparations and good communication in English. Of course even most of the topics are still the same, but the contents are different and more standard then what I used to learn before. So far, after 3 months I didn't encounter any major difficulties yet, everything went smoothly as I scheduled just sometimes struggled to catch up with the syllabus.

Tonight I will teach new subject which is chemistry. What a tough subject and Im thinking to drop one subject. I cannot focus if there is too much to teach because of course teach more means more pay but I have to keep the quality as well. Even its just a part time job, but the parents of students there already put their trust on me to teach their children. Its a responsibility that money cant buy. I cannot be so greedy, as Im afraid like what pepatah lama said "yg dikejar tak dapat, yg dikendong berciciran". Wish me luck in tonight's class!!

Taman Wahyu where are you???

My younger sister who is currently studying at Medan had pass something to her friend who went back to Malaysia, so we needed to collect that stuff form her friend's house at Taman Wahyu, Jalan Ipoh. I'd been there before but it was 2 years ago and it was night plus my ex who drove the car on that time.

The actual plan was my elder sister will go with my mom this morning since she's free. But last minute she told me that she can't make it and asked me to go instead. I was so angry because I don't think I could find the house plus I'm working and I had a meeting at 2.30pm. Reluctantly I asked Ucu (my other sister) to accompany me and we went out from office during lunch time at 12.30pm. As expected, there were many new highways, links and traffic jam that made me confused and we're just "pusing-pusing" at Jalan Ipoh area. No sign of Taman Wahyu. (Oh god, please give me ur wahyu...). Since its already 2 o'clock, I turned back to office. Just forget it! I had enuff already. Wasting my fuel!

I managed to reach office before 2.30pm and I know that my sister will blame me, but I'm not familiar with that area how could they expected me to remember. I'm so pissed and frustrated. I will try to search again Taman Wahyu this evening after work. Wish me luck! I'll update you'll on my quest of TAMAN WAHYU..

HURT, HEART AND HISTORY.

June 2007,

Dear Heart…
Tell me what is this feeling,
You’re happy and you look happy,
But deep down its U who only knew that’s something not right

Heart,
You’re dying to tell your friends,
But U just don’t know what to tell,
What the caused,
What is wrong with you,
U just feel there’s something happened,
And U can just feel…

Things are fine but you feel like something is not,
You feel like losing him even though he's physically by your side,

You're there laughing along with him, self assured everything is okay,

But you could feel that he's fading in your eyes,
You keep searching the old him for something you know won't come back.

Every times when U asked him the question,
He said he loves you still and U’re relief,
Yup maybe its just Ur feeling,
Probably influence by the moon or your monthly menses,
But why is it heart…
U still feel likes he doesn't treat you right,

And yet you stay firm, grasping tightly to him.

People keep telling you to let go,

You just won't do it. One word, LOVE

Hurt,
- LoveLEEN -

It was 2 years ago when my relationship with my ex turned out to be shaky. I was so stupid to trust him 100% even I started to have that feeling. God gave me lots of “hint” but I still cannot accept the fact. When I look back, it was hard to believe that I was so determined to make this 'thing' worked. But being one-sided wasn't enough. Definitely going extra mile was a norm. I admit he a nice guy to begin with, very patient and everything sweet, but how come things turned sour? I can't find any answer to this question and all I know, he’s changed. I kept to persuade myself that he’s just busy and nothing actually happened, but when its come to God’s will, nothing on earth could stop that. He betrayed me and dats the ANSWER of all my feeling and the end of my efforts. I surrender and let go of him......why are my sockets beginning to feel warm again...hush, hush, don't cry.

In the early stage of our break up, I'm not sure whether I should discard our stuffs...to really start anew...or...just WHAT should I do with them? There's just too many photos, things and all...that reminds me of him...of us both. He's out there, having extraordinary happy moments with his suitor and whatnot. I can't deny that i made my own mistakes too... like I said, no one's perfect and everybody have their own choice. I thought it was easy to let go but I was wrong. Maybe I'm just so used to him. Didn't he feel empty without me? I can't say that I'm yearning for him to come back. It's not right, the feeling cannot be right.

Above all, I'm glad to know that there's someone out there, whom always love me unconditionally...whatever makes me happy, its all get better in time. I got my strength to return all the things he gave me and with God’s assistance, I feel ok when I knew that he’s getting married. Alhamdullilah I managed to go through all the tests He gave me. All I need from Him are continuous guidance and bless; and a strength to fix my believe towards Him. I wish to be blessed with more wonderful things in life and I know He’s always listening. INSYAALLAH…

Yesterday Update..

Morning everyone! Believe it or not, right now Im in the saloon, getting my hair for treatment. At this very moment, a chemical stuff had been applied to my hair for the steam process. This is my first time bringing notebook to the saloon as normally I just read all the magazines provided there. Unfortunately today, all the magazines left are in Chinese so why not Im updating something at my blog while this amoi saloon “settle down” my hair.

Well what Im going to write now…. hmmmm let see. Im not sure either its normal to have lots of things in mind to share in the blog, but end up blank when your fingers hit the keyboard. Maybe its because Im not good in writing or I'm really new in this blog thing, but I thought why not give it a try - well, at least something new to do in 2009. I got all the encouragements from my friends who told me that blogging can bring lots of benefit as listed below :

- It can be a medium where I can express my feeling and it’s a good therapy.
- I will also get a new hobby so it can fulfill my free times.
- Enhance my writing skill and improve my English
- Get new friends, keep in touch with old friends and we will know all new updates ‘bout each other.
- And above all that’s, who cares either you’re “syok sendiri” or not as long as U do what U like and that’s it!

Hope you will all enjoy reading my blog and posts your responses. I will try to update my blog as often as possible. Now wish me luck as I start working on this new hobby of mine. Gotta go to wash my hair. Da………

P/S : This one was created yesterday but due to some technical problem, it was delayed so I posted it now.

Unforgettable...

Its had been one year after my break up with my BF and for all these while, Im never be so open to comment about it. Alhamdullilah with all the supports and strength from my very besties, I managed to move on but only God knows how hard it is to start everything and develop your heart and soul once again (remind you all that I'd been in relationship for 10 years).

Today when I formatting my old thumb drive, I saw one folder created to save all photos of me with him. It tooks me few minutes to think either to keep the folder or delete it. Finally Im determined for my own good that I have to vanish all memories that relate me to him. For the last time, I go through all the photos again then the memory came and the rest was history. I could feel my tears dropping.

People used to see me strong and happy, like this doesnt give a big impact to me. But my dearie friends, dun forget that I'm human... deep down in my heart how I wish its only a dream and I can wake up in da morning like all these were never happen to me. Friends saw him and he looked alright, fine, tip-top, whatever you call it. They assumed I should move on too... it makes me feel like i'm a qualified idiot, damnit. That's why sometimes I pretended to be happy because I didnt want to make everyone worry and I dont like to look like a looser.

No doubt I have a life of my own, but I can't stop myself from thinking about him even how hard I made my self busy. How's his business? Did his mummy/dad ask about me? If anyone were to ask him about me / about us, what will his answers be? Most to most at the end of his day, does he even thinks about me? I know this shouldn't be it. I know something could be done. I know a lil bit of patience goes a long way. But how do I stop myself from speculating? It's tiring. I gave up already. It's been so long since I last had a peaceful, crystal clear mind.

But thats all was last year. I dont know how much I can thank Allah for the all the guidance He gave me. With all the challenges I faced last year, I became more stronger and it tighten a realtionship within me with my friends and family. I just lost one relationship but grew with lots of another bonding. Being alone didn't scare me. It just worries me. I'm not getting any younger, if you know what I mean... But after all we can only plan, can't we? And the rest is up to the Man above.

Rain, Traffic Jam & Topik Pagi Hot FM

It's raining heavily this morning and I was stuck in a traffic jam at Mines area. I tried to go out early from house since I needed to reach office by 8.30am for monthly assembly - unsuccessful. Imagine, it was already 8.20am and I was still on the road so obviously I was late again for the meeting. Damn it!

It was cold when I was in the car that was totally un-moved so I took my time (I already late mind you..) and listened to Hot FM radio channel. Farah Fauzana was on air for "topik pagi" and she raised up some interesting topics to discuss that morning. It all started when she shared some information in a newspaper and the statement was some sort like below :

"Menurut kajian di Britain, lelaki lebih cenderung memilih wanita yg cantik namun kurang cerdik, berbanding memilih wanita yg cerdik namun tidak cantik untuk mendapat perhatian".
VS

This statement got an instant feedbacks from the audiences, most of it agreed with the statement. One of the caller, a man gave his opinion that men are usually tends to get pretty women just for fun because since they're lack of knowledge it is easy for men to control. But for wife candidate, they will definitely choose a beauty with brain. Followed by his call were numerous calls from men that agreed with him. Im totally agreed with the caller as well but cant help to feel a bit annoyed. No matter if we are women with brain or not, we still got feeling. We're not a doll to be played with. I would like to refer those men as a a person who actually got a low mentality. For a well educated person, they'll not judge people by their appearance, and make fun of it but will respect women entirely.

Feedbacks from women were absolutely opposite from men. One caller emotionally asked why men didn't ever look a women by heart. Beauty will not last long... it's a pure heart and kindness that stays. But for all girls, ladies and women, thats a fact of life. Men already confirmed that beauty or appearance really matters (even not all men do agreed). To get beauty with brain is a bonus, but have you heard a man praised their friend to have a smart or kind girlfriend. There is no "wahh.. tahniah la kau, untung dapat awek pandai and beriman" Hell no!! The one that is quite familiar "wahh untung kau dapat awek cun and sexy"... Huhuhu thats why I called it "satu kebenaran yang menyedihkan". SO PATHETIC!!

But for me, we're all human, and as a human we're not perfect. God created things in varieties; there's smart people, beauty, good and HE also created things with opposite, there are woman and man, good and bad, angle and demon to form a balance in this life. So don't ever feel down if U're not perfect coz we're a god's creation. To blame our "imperfectness" is similar to blame god. Find our strength and use it. For the above case, not all beauty wins. There're still pretty ladies who're single and lots of ladies that we called "kurang cantik" already got married and happily with their family. I believed there is a good man out there who looks a woman into their heart, accepts her as she is, and appreciates her the fullest. Remember that good women are meant for good men, and vice versa. ALLAH ITU MAHA ADIL LAGI BIJAKSANA .....

SAILORMOON MAKE UP!!!

SUNDAY WAKE UP CALL

Its Sunday...

For da past few months I had spent most of my weekends at my home town. This is for the first time in this year I've been in the room of mine in Kajang, wake up quite late and seeing my niece "menyelongkar" my stuff and her brother "busy"ing himself at her side. I asked both of them to leave the room, stand on my feet and observed each corner of my room. OMG!! My room really looked like a mess, clean clothes still in the basket, dust beneath my bed and papers/files/books were placed everywhere. I knew that I'd been neglected my room for quite a long time. I made it like a hotel (at least there's a house keeper to clean ur room at the hotel), a place just to sleep and prepare to go to work so there was no surprise that my room will be in this "ship sinking" condition.

I turned on the radio (well I cant live or work without music), adjusted the volume high enough to make me energetic and started to clean my room. I did a vacuum, wiped and arranged all my belongings in order. All was perfect and managable except a minor problem to put my clothes in the closet due to it's almost full. I just stucked all of it in and tadaa... finished. After all the cleaning operations completed, I took my bath and brushed the toilet floor in the same time. So rajin and bersemangat sekali!

THERE's ANOTHER 2 BASKETS IN SAME CONDITION NEEDS MY ATTENTION!

MY CLOSET YG ALMOST SENDAT!
BLOUSES FOR OFFICE ATTIRE.

I went down stair and had breakfast almost at 12noon. There is one feeling I felt today that keeps me turn on all day. I feel today is like a new day for me. Even it's already March, but it's still not late to have a new vission and mission rite? My future is still far and unpredictable but one thing is clear, Allah will guide me all the way to achieve my goal. HAVE FAITH AND DONT STOP PRAYING....

WALLA.... PRESENTED TO YOU MY LOVELY AND CLEAN ROOM...

A New Beginning

Bismilahirrahmanirrahimm..

Hi everyone! Finally, I've started my own blog! It's a new record and I should write it in my diary, but wait a minute.. I almost forget. Why do so because from now on I can just update anything on my blog and review it anytime I wanted to.

So my dear friend, this is it with my first post attempt, I'm welcoming myself into this world of blogging....



Stay tuned for more,
- LoveLEEN -