HURT, HEART AND HISTORY.

June 2007,

Dear Heart…
Tell me what is this feeling,
You’re happy and you look happy,
But deep down its U who only knew that’s something not right

Heart,
You’re dying to tell your friends,
But U just don’t know what to tell,
What the caused,
What is wrong with you,
U just feel there’s something happened,
And U can just feel…

Things are fine but you feel like something is not,
You feel like losing him even though he's physically by your side,

You're there laughing along with him, self assured everything is okay,

But you could feel that he's fading in your eyes,
You keep searching the old him for something you know won't come back.

Every times when U asked him the question,
He said he loves you still and U’re relief,
Yup maybe its just Ur feeling,
Probably influence by the moon or your monthly menses,
But why is it heart…
U still feel likes he doesn't treat you right,

And yet you stay firm, grasping tightly to him.

People keep telling you to let go,

You just won't do it. One word, LOVE

Hurt,
- LoveLEEN -

It was 2 years ago when my relationship with my ex turned out to be shaky. I was so stupid to trust him 100% even I started to have that feeling. God gave me lots of “hint” but I still cannot accept the fact. When I look back, it was hard to believe that I was so determined to make this 'thing' worked. But being one-sided wasn't enough. Definitely going extra mile was a norm. I admit he a nice guy to begin with, very patient and everything sweet, but how come things turned sour? I can't find any answer to this question and all I know, he’s changed. I kept to persuade myself that he’s just busy and nothing actually happened, but when its come to God’s will, nothing on earth could stop that. He betrayed me and dats the ANSWER of all my feeling and the end of my efforts. I surrender and let go of him......why are my sockets beginning to feel warm again...hush, hush, don't cry.

In the early stage of our break up, I'm not sure whether I should discard our stuffs...to really start anew...or...just WHAT should I do with them? There's just too many photos, things and all...that reminds me of him...of us both. He's out there, having extraordinary happy moments with his suitor and whatnot. I can't deny that i made my own mistakes too... like I said, no one's perfect and everybody have their own choice. I thought it was easy to let go but I was wrong. Maybe I'm just so used to him. Didn't he feel empty without me? I can't say that I'm yearning for him to come back. It's not right, the feeling cannot be right.

Above all, I'm glad to know that there's someone out there, whom always love me unconditionally...whatever makes me happy, its all get better in time. I got my strength to return all the things he gave me and with God’s assistance, I feel ok when I knew that he’s getting married. Alhamdullilah I managed to go through all the tests He gave me. All I need from Him are continuous guidance and bless; and a strength to fix my believe towards Him. I wish to be blessed with more wonderful things in life and I know He’s always listening. INSYAALLAH…