Unforgettable...

Its had been one year after my break up with my BF and for all these while, Im never be so open to comment about it. Alhamdullilah with all the supports and strength from my very besties, I managed to move on but only God knows how hard it is to start everything and develop your heart and soul once again (remind you all that I'd been in relationship for 10 years).

Today when I formatting my old thumb drive, I saw one folder created to save all photos of me with him. It tooks me few minutes to think either to keep the folder or delete it. Finally Im determined for my own good that I have to vanish all memories that relate me to him. For the last time, I go through all the photos again then the memory came and the rest was history. I could feel my tears dropping.

People used to see me strong and happy, like this doesnt give a big impact to me. But my dearie friends, dun forget that I'm human... deep down in my heart how I wish its only a dream and I can wake up in da morning like all these were never happen to me. Friends saw him and he looked alright, fine, tip-top, whatever you call it. They assumed I should move on too... it makes me feel like i'm a qualified idiot, damnit. That's why sometimes I pretended to be happy because I didnt want to make everyone worry and I dont like to look like a looser.

No doubt I have a life of my own, but I can't stop myself from thinking about him even how hard I made my self busy. How's his business? Did his mummy/dad ask about me? If anyone were to ask him about me / about us, what will his answers be? Most to most at the end of his day, does he even thinks about me? I know this shouldn't be it. I know something could be done. I know a lil bit of patience goes a long way. But how do I stop myself from speculating? It's tiring. I gave up already. It's been so long since I last had a peaceful, crystal clear mind.

But thats all was last year. I dont know how much I can thank Allah for the all the guidance He gave me. With all the challenges I faced last year, I became more stronger and it tighten a realtionship within me with my friends and family. I just lost one relationship but grew with lots of another bonding. Being alone didn't scare me. It just worries me. I'm not getting any younger, if you know what I mean... But after all we can only plan, can't we? And the rest is up to the Man above.